Stockmans Pies, Oxford St Bulimba

This week, we have a guest review from my good mate Crispy on Stockmans Pies, Bulimba. So without further ado, it's over to Crispy:

How can something that started so well, end so badly?

 
I couldn’t wait to try the beef and beer pie from Stockmans Pies in Oxford St Bulimba. It presented extremely well, a nice  big-boy size that challenged you to finish it, great shape &, was crowned with a unique flakey puff pastry, on looks alone this had “possible winner” stamped all over it.




My first bite was awesome….a mouthful of the crisp, crunchy puff pastry, great texture and taste. My second bite was much the same and when the third was also very similar, I started to wonder the puff pastry was taking over the whole pie.

Eventually I ventured far enough into the pie to find that there was very little filing. The meat was just big chunks and there was virtually no mince or saucey goodness to bring it all together. And did I mention the meat was in BIG CHUNKS? I felt like I had cracked open a can of Chum….(it’s so chunky, you can carve it). 

The taste of the filling was very ordinary. It kinda tasted like the smell of stale beer. Remember when you would go into a pub with carpet and the smell of years of spilt beer would hit you as soon as you walked into the bar? (Like Rosie's Tavern after Thursday dollar drinks night- Pieologist) Somehow they have reconstructed that smell into a flavor & I really wished they hadn’t.

As I progressed through the pie, the structural integrity of the pie failed and the whole thing collapsed in a pile of pastry &  large chunks of Chum topped off with that perfect crisp puff pastry, which seem oblivious the fact the rest of the pie had disintegrated. 

Now at this point I was forced to break a golden rule of pie eating and I reached for a fork. If I had been driving while eating this pie, I would have been picking golf ball sized chunks of meat up from my crotch.

It was at this time I put the puff pastry to one side & reluctantly ate the giant chunks of stale beer tasting meat & remaining soft side pastry. Once this chore was complete, I rewarded myself with the top pastry which was still as stiff, crunchy and crisp as it was on my initial bite.

For me it’s a 3/10, without the puff pastry on top this pie would not be worth commenting on.

Pieologist: For what it's worth, I completely agree with the above assessment, having eaten the same pie, plus a steak and mushroom, which was no better. (I would have had curry, but didn't want to upset Roobs). How can something that looks so good turn out to be so bad? I mean, just look at the 'before' shot - they look magnificent. but upon the eating, they were atrocious. It was like a demolition derby. I was Herbie the love bug swerving. Giant boulders of meat were falling out everywhere. How can you have gravy that's too runny, and meat that's too dry all in the same pie? 

Once I cooked myself a beef bourguignon using good quality rump steak instead of gravy beef or beef cheek or one of those cheaper cuts that melts in your mouth with a bit of slow cooking. I used a good quality bottle of booze and all the right ingredients, which evolved into a delicious sauce over the space of 4 hours in the pot. Julia Child would have given me a pat on the head. But the first bite of meat revealed a dry, tough piece of beef which necessitated the opening of several more bottles of booze to lubricate proceedings.

Because - as I discovered, rump steak isn't designed for slow cooking. Oil it up, season liberally, slap onto a flame grill for a few minutes a side, rest, eat. Maaarvelous. Cook it slowly however, and all that flavoursome juice leeches out leaving behind dry muscle fibres.

So maybe it was the type of meat. I doubt Stockman's are using Black Angus rump, but maybe it's topside or something similar which lacks the fat and connective tissue that render down to silken gelatiny goodness. All I know is that it was dry and shithouse. Pies were traditionally all about using cheap cuts of meat, lips, arseholes, offal, and arteries and encasing it all in pastry - so you didn't have to look at the contents too closely - for a tasty meal....now it's all wagyu this and black angus that, and quite frankly I think it's all getting a bit out of hand.

Don't get me wrong; I'm happy that the move to quality means that we no longer have to put up with that ugly piece of artery poking out of the pie we've just bitten into - but by the same token, pie-makers of the world need to remember that if cooked properly, cheek, shin, mince and gravy beef are more tasty, tender, moist and flavoursome - and let's not forget cheaper - than some of the 'gourmet' ingredients we're seeing nowdays. I just realised that I'm starting to sound like grandpa Simpson, so I'll stop my rant there. For now. I do reserve the right to pick it up at a later point, though.

Now you guys know I wouldn't leave you in the the lurch, so I've sourced an alternative if you happen to find yourself trapped in that pretty little pocket of the Brisbane River with a hankering for pie.The good news is that there is a fantastic bakery 100m further down Oxford St Bulimba on the LHS, cunningly named 'The Oxford Street Bakery'. It's right opposite the pub, should you also be thirsty. I will post a review on it in the future, when I have had the opportunity to sample something other than the lamb vindaloo pie I had today (OMG it was sooo goooood and I'm dying to tell you all about it, but I've got Roobs to think of, so you'll all just have to wait).

As for the Stockmans score, I concur: 3/10 for the lid alone. Thanks to Crispy for his contributions and well-considered review. I have another guest review from little Pete for you this Friday.

I'd also like to pose a question today to you today:

Is a pie served in a bowl with a pastry topping (like a Guinness pie from an Irish pub for example) still a pie?

Please cast your vote below. If you have any comments to make on the above question, please feel free to do so in the comments section immediately below this posting. 

Thanks for reading!