Guest Review - The Upper Crust, 1003 Pittwater Rd Collaroy NSW

I used to live just down the road from this pie shop on Sydney's northern beaches; back in the days of my glorious but impoverished youth - when I had hair and a 6-pack (well, hair anyway). I'd bound out of bed on a Sunday morning after a big night on the tiles at The Oaks or The Greengate (the liver still being relatively fresh in those days), and wander down the road to the best pie shop (at the time) in Australia...just to give myself a bit of a 'base' for the Sunday afternoon session at The Newport Arms.

You had to be early - get there at 12.30 and the queue would be down the street. And they had interesting pies, too. Things like tuna and avocado (sounds awful, tasted great), beef & burgundy, and Thai green chicken featured on their innovative menu - at a time when nobody but a cow cocky could tell a Black Angus from a Murray Grey. Now, a ten year old will ask you what kind of sausage you're serving them at a BBQ, and you'd better bloody well get the answer right - 'Woolies thin BBQ snags, son' will earn you a look of horror / derision / pity; whereas 'they're 300-day grain fed wagyu Black Angus Brahman cross from the James St Market' will get you at least slight acknowledgement that you've passed the test - for now (but dessert had better be from Cold Rock at least). 

But I've got nothing against children - in the words of Whitney Houston: 'hey, who the f*ck snorted the last of my Vicodin?' Anyway, speaking of children, I have a guest review this week from my old friend Crashball - a self-bestowed nickname which simultaneously describes his signature move on the rugby pitch; and his skills with the laaaaaadies. 

Being from NSW, Crashball has had it tough this week, and has given himself RSI venting his spleen online over Greg Inglis' completely 100% legit, match-and-possibly-series-winning try...so I'll go easy on him.  Over to you, pal:

 

Fellow pie-lovers, it’s with both excitement and disappointment that I find myself guest reviewer for this edition of the Pieologist’s blog.  You see, for some time now I’ve been telling the Pieologist that next time he comes to Sydney, he should jump on a ferry to Manly, where I would pick him up, drive a short ways up Sydney’s glorious northern beaches to Collaroy and review the offerings from The Upper Crust Pie shop.  So when Poopa-Pat invited us to his 40th, it seemed the stars had aligned.

The morning after Poopa’s, I woke to a beautiful sunny Sunday, a stinking headache and my mouth watering like Pavlov’s dog’s in anticipation.  With a skip in my step and a rumbling in my stomach, I picked up my phone and noticed I had a message.  I can’t remember the exact words, but it said something about Ken’s of Kensington and sitting down to pee, the bottom line; Pie-hole wasn’t coming.

At this point, I want to confirm that the ‘disappointment’ mentioned in the opening line had nothing to do with my mate not making the effort to catch up, no fellow pie lovers, the disappointment refers to the Pieologist’s lack of commitment to the pie-cause and us, his pie eating blog followers.

Not to be discouraged, I grabbed the bride, a 12 year old bottle of French Pinot (I didn’t really feel like the wine, it was only 8am, but I knew the not-so-Pieologist would be envious) and headed up Pittwater Road.  20 minutes later, I was laying a picnic blanket on the grass next to the beach with a couple topless birds sunbathing square in view.

Before I move onto the business bit, I have to confess that my wife doesn’t normally like pies, I hear some of you say “that’s un-Australian”, but there’s good reason for it….she’s not Australian, she’s from Svabia, a funny little country wedged between Norway and Denmark, where they speak Hoolly-Goolly, and don’t eat pies…well not pasty ones anyway, they do have ‘Taco Pies’ and they’re genius, but that’s for another blog.  Despite not really liking pies and an impressive hangover, the misses did what Pie-hole should have, and played along.  She ordered a minced meat pie, and I, a steak & mushroom and for something different, a Mexican pie. 

While I opened the cork, the misses opened the batting; as you can see from the photo, it was beautifully golden, slightly larger than average size and at $6-50 average value, but apparently that’s where the ‘average’ description ends.  At this point I should be showing you a picture of the half eaten pie, I’d even love to be confirming her review of a delicious pie, flaky top pastry, firm bottom pastry, bursting with deliciously moist, but not wet, meaty goodness and an impressive 8/10 score, but she scoffed it and I didn’t get a chance to take a pic or steal a bite, we’ll also have to assume that the lack of spillage on her plate confirms that it passed the driving test. Considering she doesn’t like pies, but said she’d come back, it must have been good.

Onto my breakfast; they were both beautifully golden, all pies were the same size and bursting with filling, flaky top pastry and firm but not dry bottom, but at $7-50 my ‘gourmet’ selections are now pushing the price a little, but this is Sydney and like Pie-hole at Ken’s the night before, we expect to get reamed.  

First cab off the rank was the steak and mushroom, my favourite type of pie, so it had to come in the goods.  As you can see from the photo, they didn’t scrimp on the mushies, it passed the driving test with flying colours and was easily the best steak and mushroom pie I’ve eaten; 9/10, a ‘must try’ for steak and mushroom lovers.

Next comes the Mexican, I’d never eaten a Mexican pie before and so I had no expectations, but I have to say; it was bloody good, nicely spiced, possibly too hot for some. Filled with red beans, minced meat, cheese and the all-important Mexican flavours; delicious.  I’d probably try some of the other pies in the shop before going back, but I’d definitely go back. The only flaw was the driving test, the pastry held together, but oil would most likely have run down my best Ron Bennett tie if eaten whist driving, so its marked down to 7.5/10.

Lastly, the bottle of wine, a 2000 Domaine du blah blah blah; it was superb, but let’s face it, I was only drinking it to make the pieologist jealous.

Until next time and perhaps the taco pie.

Crashball

Syd's Pies, Loganholme

See YOU, Jimmy

Before I launch into this week's update, please allow me to draw your attention to the Twitter feed over to your right there....

After scratching my head for the last couple of years, I think I've finally come up with something to tweet about! All my tweets will feed through into the blog here, but if you have your own account and want to follow me over there, I'm @thepieologist. I'm happy to take suggestions for future reviews vie Twitter, am interested in what you've just eaten (pie-wise), and will probably reply to your comments fairly quickly as pie-related issues take precedence over most others in my life.

This whole Twitter thing came about because Roobs and his lovely but long-suffering family and I called into Yatala on the way to a thing on the Gold Coast a while back. We took the opportunity to call in and sample the then-recently-reviewed-by-The Pieologist Lamb and coconut curry pie. It was pretty awful. Lukewarm, lacking in character, too much gravy, and generally ordinary. I immediately broke out in hives with worry that hordes of blog followers would make the long trek down there, find the pie not as described, begin to think me a dumbass, and rebel en masse, online. I just can't take that sort of criticism.

If only there was some way, I thought, rubbing my stubble and staring into the distance, of giving real-time updates; so that people could be forewarned that - for example -  I had just purchased the last dozen Rock N Roll lamb curry pies and there wouldn't be any more available until tomorrow.....or that Yatala may have a problem with consistency (remember they also gave me lamb and pea instead of lamb curry that time at the drive-thru?). 

I think it may have been Roobs' son Will-I am (I didn't realise he could hear the voices in my head) who, without looking up from his PSP, said, 'why don't you tweet it?' Bright kid, that. Gets it from his Mum.

So I decided to get bejiggity with it, and create a Twitter account. I'm no Quade Cooper, so I won't tweet every time I think I need to fart, re-tweet when I have, then again to let you know how it smells; but I will try and keep it relevant. I'm sure you'll let me know if otherwise. So on to this week's review:

Braddles and Juice had been onto me about Syd's and there is quite a bit of good feedback on the web around this bright yellow and red beacon that sits alongside the northbound M1 at Logan. Syd's has a giant banner out the front proclaiming that it has been voted winner of Brisbane's Best Pies...by 4BC listeners. Hmmmm.

According to the signage and the web the store itself specializes in British food, and has fridges-full of exotica such as black and white pudding, haggis, faggots (no kidding) and Irn-Bru - which, for those of you who haven't had the pleasure, is like Red Bull but without all the sweat-inducing, pulse-racing, artery-bursting gear that makes Red Bull so awesome. BTW is it just me, or is all that 'British' food actually Scottish food?

So I wheeled the big silver bus in there and was immediately greeted by a buxom wee lassie behind the counter. The pie cabinet looked very appetizing, but with a belly already bursting with  lamb coconut curry pie from 10 minutes south, I decided to pick up a couple of coldies for the freezer. The lady suggested her favourite, a curry beef (a woman after my own heart) and the pepper steak. I think the price was around the $5-mark for a standard sized pie.

They cooked up quite nicely without any egg wash due to the good quality puff pastry lid, although the bottom casing was a bit thin for my liking. I recently had a conversation with the plumber to the stars, and we agreed that a slightly soft base is a good thing in most instances - as long as it still holds the pie together. A hard, crumbly,  biscuit-like base is often dry and awful, but at the other end of the pastry spectrum so is a soft, thick, undercooked base. Those are OK for blokes like the plumber who eat their pies upside down whilst driving between jobs doing the work of 10 men and 50 women, but for those of us that return to the air conditioned confines of an office environment, those heavy bases can sit in your guts like a lead ball for the rest of the afternoon. Not nice. Takes your mind right off all the porn you're downloading.

The curry beef base would have been OK had the filling been less sloppy - it just needed a bit more structure to hold it all in and pass the driving test. As it was, I wouldn't recommend that a novice try eating this pie in a moving vehicle. 

The plumber to the stars could probably get away with it due to his years of training (and undeniable pedigree), but not your average schmo. A bloke like Garnet the Magnificent wouldn't have trouble eating it whilst punching 16 gears in a crash box with no synchro, but he's a law unto himself. As you can see from the photo, I'm holding the pie tipped up on its end and Elvis is still trying to depart the building on the right hand side. You've been warned.

The mince itself was a type 1 Keens curry, and had a good balance of flavour without being hot. The curry powder-waver could have been a bit more enthusiastic over the pot with this one, but it was OK. My score is a 6.5/10, which means it doesn't qualify for a mention on the leaderboard.

The pepper steak was pretty good, with nice chunks of beef and a decent hit of pepper in a fairly thick and well-seasoned gravy. As you can see from the photo, the base looks to be a bit thicker than the curry pie for some reason: it was actually pretty good and had no trouble holding together. This pie isn't going to set the world on fire, but you won't hate it either. I'm awarding a 7/10.

I subsequently returned several weeks later and had the Steak Dianne pie, which as you can see also looked like a million bucks. That dried black thing on top is baked parsley. I didn't add it - it was already stuck to the pie.

The flavour, as per the others, was pretty good without being great. It didn't seem to have any standout flavours of the 3 main 'Dianne' ingredients though: Worcestershire, brandy, or cream, but overall flavour was OK and the meat was quite tender. It's another 7/10. Unremarkable, but inoffensive.

All in all, Syd's is worth a stop if you're travelling north up the M1 and you're sick of Yatala and want to try something new. Sizes are pretty good, and prices are reasonable....and that bonnie wee lassie...hoots, man!