Golden King Bakery, 239 Waterworks Rd Ashgrove

The Golden King has been a part of Ashgrove forever – much like Campbell Newman. What’s that you say? Never mind. Suffice it to say, it’s been there for a long time and is definitely not a blow-in.

It’s a nice clean shop with heaps of parking around the back, which is very handy because it’s on a piece of Waterworks Rd that is usually busier than a Beirut bricklayer...street parking is pretty hopeless, unless you have the parking karma of a disabled person and always manage to jag an awesome one at the front door.

If you miss the driveway, take the next one and park under the ANZ Bank. They won’t notice, because half of them are being boned whilst the remainder count the latest multi-bazillion dollar profit.

Golden King is an Asian bakery that has really friendly staff, and when I was there on a stinking hot midweek lunchtime, it was quite busy with foot traffic.

The bakery has a short conventional menu:

o   Plain

o   Bacon

o   Curry

o   Mushroom

o   Pea

o   Onion

o   Chicken

The price is a measly $3.20 per pie – the cheapest I have come across in a long long time…at that price, order one of each! Pies are served in a foil nest, and are an average sized standard – 2 wouldn’t be an issue for any bloke, and the occasional bird.

I ordered a Curry Beef – (type 1), which had medium curry strength and a good yellow colour. It was a reasonably good pie, but the base was underdone to buggery. Good quality mince meat, no gristle or unidentifiable bits, good viscosity, good beefy flavour, and a really nice flaky buttery yellow lid. 

Score is 6.5/10 because the base pastry was too thick for my liking and undercooked. And I’m not feeling very generous today.

Beef & Mushroom

This pie was quite hot; it snuggled right up to my mouth’s pain threshold without causing permanent injury, and remained hot to the last bite.

The top was slapped on a bit skewiff – which made it look homey, though the structural integrity was seriously compromised by it as you can see from the photo. It took all my skill as an experienced Pieologist to finish it without dropping any. Would not pass the driving test (unlike the curry beef, which was fine).

It was filled with plenty of real sliced mushrooms, not canned champignons, making it taste ‘shroomy and very good. There was also a hint of rosemary – nice touch.

As you can see, there was quite a gelatine gloss to a mostly clear gravy – the mushrooms floating about in suspended animation like a Stanley Kubrick film. It looked a bit insipid, but wasn’t. There was a reasonably flaky top – but as per the curry beef, the base could have been cooked out a bit more for a far better result. I’m giving it another 6.5/10.

The King’s sausage rolls also looked fantastic – yellow and buttery-looking flaky pastry. I don’t eat many sausage rolls because I don’t own shares in Pfizer or whoever the hell makes Zantac; but I think I’d break my self-imposed embargo about as quickly as Brittney gave it up for the K-Fed for these puppies. They looked really flash.

(Sidebar: Wellsy and AJ tell me that the Ashgrove butcher does the best sausage roll in Brisbane, if you're in the neighbourhood...apparently he has a pie warmer in his shop.)

I’d been told elsewhere that The King used to do a mean pepper steak pie that contained ‘at least a tablespoon of cracked pepper in the center of the pie and pepper on the pastry top’, but that it had been removed ‘due to too many wussy complaints’. I can neither confirm nor deny the veracity of this statement, so I have no idea why I recounted it to you, but hey, what else would you be doing right now….working?

All in all, the Golden King is probably worth a visit if you’re the kind of pie-eater who likes their base underdone – and I know there are a lot who do. I’m looking in your direction, Plumber to the Stars. If you happen to make it there, I’d be keen to hear your impressions.

I also went to a bakery in the inner north recently, at Eagle Junction, called Baked to Perfection. Trust me, it isn't. I had a curry pie and a steak and kidney. Both were awful. In fact, they were the second-worst pies I've ever had, and that's saying something.

The curry pie (above) didn't have any discernible curry flavour, was lukewarm, flavourless, bready and shitful. Blah.

The steak and kidney was as skinny as a gypsy's dog, and just as mangy.

Again it was lukewarm and unseasoned, with cardboard-like pastry, and the chunks of kidney were as dry as a Pom's bath mat.

I disliked these pies so much, that I have declined to score them.

Incidentally, the worst pie I EVER had was from Tilly's Continental Bakery, at Stafford. I had the curry pie, and it was so bad that I had 3 bites, broke it in half to see what in the hell was going on inside it, and threw it in the bin. It was shiny and salty and cheap and gelatinous and the pastry was hard and overcooked - it was just FUBAR. I was that shocked, I forgot to take photos of its hideousness.

On a brighter note, I returned to Horners Bakery at Sorrento on the Goldie, and had another Sri Lankan Lamb Curry pie last week - and I'm happy to report that they're as good as ever. Love that bakery. 

Sadly, I also went to the Rock N Roll recently, and the Lamb Curry 10/10 pie is currently off the menu. They tell me that they may be back on the menu in a month or so (the menu items rotate periodically, apparently), but there's no set date, so don't get your hopes up too much (like I did) if you're heading there. Maybe Tim could do us all a favour and post when it's back on...

I hope that everyone out there in interwebland has a restful and safe Easter holiday, take care on the roads, and I'll endeavour to do a bit of work on your behalf on the pie front and check in with you all again soon.

Haveadirtcheapsilvertray.

Pieologist.