Nirvana

Rock ‘n Roll Bakery, 500 Logan Rd, Greenslopes

Stop what you’re doing - right now - get yourself down to the Rock ‘n Roll Bakery at Greenslopes, buy yourself a couple of Lamb Curry pies, then come back and eat them while you read the rest of this blog… and try to tell me I’m wrong when I say this pie may just be the best one you’ve ever eaten.

If it’s not, I’ll bet it’s the best you’ve eaten in the last 5 years, and let’s face it, anything you think of beyond 5 years and you’ll always remember it as being better than it actually was.

If I was on death row, this is the pie I would eat as my last meal. I almost bit my own finger off because I attacked this pie like a dingo on a baby. My mate actually had to remind me to stop and take a photo, I was that wrapped up in it. Behold her beauty – she should have a halo:

As you know, I’m a curry pie fan. But putting aside my natural bias for a moment, this is a pie that is simply good ingredients, done well. Really, really bloody well.

If we started with 10 points and deducted points for shortcomings, this pie scores a solid 10 points. No kidding. That’s right, I’m going there.  Read it: 10 frikkin points, y’all. In the words of MC Hammer, let’s break it down:

1.  Size: on the larger side of ‘Standard’, without getting into ‘Oversize’ territory. Personally, I think this is the size all pies should be – you can wedge two in without unbuttoning the strides; giving you the flexibility to choose two different flavours (or to double-up in this case). With the oversize pies, one is never enough; two is often too many. This one: just right.

2.  Price: just under $5, which is completely fair and reasonable for a pie of this quality. 20c less and I’d go so far as to say ‘cheap’. Piefection would be charging $6 for this every day of the week…and RnR give you free sauce in the little squeezy satchels, should you be a heathen and desire it.

3.  Temperature: perfect. Slightly on the hot side to begin with, so that the pie is still at just the right temperature when you’re down to your last bite.

4.  Structural Integrity: no problems at all – this baby laughs at pies with a foil nest, and held together effortlessly under sustained pressure from my gnashing jaws. Seriously, I hit this thing like a killer whale on a harp seal and it shrugged it off.

5.  Pastry: golden, flaky, buttery top with a slightly firm but flexible base (not crumbly at all). Flakes of golden goodness kept falling off onto the paper bag, giving the added pleasure of being able to pick them up and crunch them like chips. And they are genuinely crunchy. Sure, you’re going to wear a few of these if you’re driving, but man it’s worth it. Looking at the top side-on, there looks to be half a dozen wafer-thin layers of puff pastry; the lid is a good 20mm high. There’s no egg-washing, but there doesn’t have to be – the pies have actually been cooked out properly by a professional….I mean – look at it; does it get any better looking than that?

6.  Filling: where to start? This is a type 2 curry pie with an Indian feel to it (as opposed to Thai, Sri Lankan, Goan etc). I enquired, and was told that it was the cook’s own blend, and they weren’t sure if it was something specific; but you’d be happy to have this served to you on a plate in an Indian restaurant and pay $20 for it. You can see the ingredients – bits of chilli and herbs, sliced onion, and those moist chunks of boned lamb leg all bound together with a thick, rich gravy. Viscosity of the gravy was just right – enough to bind everything together without being stodgy. 

It was advertised as being a hot curry, and it did have a bit of ‘go’ without being an out-and-out chilli pie. The balance was really good between heat and flavour. Where the Yatala Lamb Coconut Curry is all about the coconut, the RnR didn’t dominate in any particular area and as such didn’t become too rich or sweet the more I ate. Faultless.

7.  The shop: OK, if you really want to get picky and look for faults, how about the shop itself? Glad you asked. Plenty of off-street parking, the shop is clean and well-presented, and the staff were really friendly. After eating, I returned to the counter and ordered 2 cold pies to take home, and the guy actually brought them over to our table and wished us a nice day. This isn’t the kind of place you’re greeted with a, ‘you right, mate?’. 

All in all, a top-notch experience, and one that deserves every bit of its 10 points. I’ve previously raved about Piefection’s Jack Daniels smoky pork rib pie, and for those poor fools who haven’t heeded my advice yet, it’s still a very good pie and worth the drive. But pork ribs are naturally fatty and pretty rich, and eating a couple of those back to back is probably going to be a bit overwhelming unless you’re a manager in a life insurance company who eats wagyu steaks for lunch every day on the corporate expense account. Not so the RnR.

If all pies had 85% of what the RnR lamb curry pie has, you’d die happy. You’d never eat another ’OK’ pie again. You’d never have another ‘meh’ moment. You wouldn’t think about chucking the last bit in the bin. You’d gobble every mouthful and stuff it in even if you were full to the gills. This is the Dave Grohl of pies…and it doesn’t get any more rock ‘n roll than Dave.


But in this case, I took one for the team. That’s right, my second pie wasn’t the second lamb curry I craved like a fiend craves the crank; I went for the steak and baked mushroom so that you guys would have some options. I know, I know – don’t thank me – you are the wind beneath my wings. It was the least I could do. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I've paid too much attention to Roobs...I don't know.

The second pie was pretty good, and would rate a solid 7.5, but couldn’t possibly hope to follow the lamb curry. It’d be like Powderfinger following the Foo Fighters; they’d get out there and do their best, but it wouldn’t be enough. Bernard would jump around with his moves like Jagger, they’d wind the amps up to 11 and thrash the hell out of the Les Pauls, but you just wouldn’t feel it. And I didn’t.

The size, price, temperature, structural integrity, and pastry were all identical to the lamb pie. Tickety-boo. The chunky steak filling was nice too, although there wasn’t enough mushroom for my liking. Personally, I’d sprinkle a little chopped garlic, parsley, seasoning and EVOO on the mushies before baking them on a low temperature, which would give you a really distinctive and intensified depth of flavour (that’s right, the Pieologist cooks a bit). Even if it cost more to produce, you could add 50c to these pies and they’d still be in the ballpark.

Still, if you were up for steak and mushroom, you wouldn’t be disappointed with the offering the RnR dishes up now. It's an honest pie.

Crispy had a steak / bacon / cheese as his first pie (lamb curry second because he’s a thinker, whereas I’m all about instant gratification). This pie looked fantastic – just have a go at this.

Often, you find that when a bakery splurges on a heap of cheese on top of the pie, they don’t bang any more inside. They figure they’ve fulfilled their cheesy obligations to you, and you can’t deny that there wasn’t any cheese because it’s right there on top staring at you like an acne-faced teenager…not the RnR though.

This pie had more cheese than Warwick Capper. It was literally flowing with molten cheese; ‘flowing’ and ‘molten’ being the operative words, because the cheese made the filling overly viscous and a fair bit ran out. We’re not talking Pie Face sloppy here, but it would be a challenge for the inexperienced pie eater / kid (not you, Stuart, I'm talking kids in general). Crispy madly tried to save the runny bits….with his mouth….resulting in third degree cheese burns to the roof and corners of his mouth. Yep, he’s a thinker all right, but not a deep one.

Holy craaap - it's coming stright for us!!

His assessment was that the pie was good in most respects; except it was a bit runny, and the bacon flavour didn’t come through. This was odd, because chunks of bacon were clearly visible all throughout the pie and I wouldn’t have thought it would be an issue judging by the amount you could actually see. 

The lid-cheese had a crunchy, toasty texture and a slightly overdone flavour – but in a good way. Like when you cook a cheese toasty at home under the grill and a bit dribbles off the side onto the tray and starts to burn but fortunately you’re standing right there because you’re an operator and you rescue the spillage just in time with the spatula and it goes a bit stiff (steady ladies) and you eat that bit first. You know what I’m talking about. We’ve all been there.

He scored it an 8.5/10.

Other menu options included plain steak, pepper steak, lamb and rosemary, chicken cheese and spinach, steak and pea (peas inside the casing), and some really impressive looking sausage rolls. I've since been back, ahem, several times and have now tried them all - with the exception of the chicken cheese and spinach (natch), and they're all really good, and consistent. I've had another opportunity to have a second look at the baked mushroom pie with fresh tastebuds, and concur with the 8.5 awarded by Crispy. I think I was just a bit overwhelmed by the awesomeness of the lamb curry the first time around.

From the above options, the steak and pea in particular is outstanding - the meat and gravy are excellent, the peas are super-sweet, and that pastry is like nothing else.

So if you've been good this week, get yourself over to the Rock n Roll at Greenslopes and buy up big - you'll thank me later. Hint: buy a few extra cold ones for the freezer for those Friday night footy nights - they heat up spectacularly well. Here's one I prepared earlier (no egg wash!):

I've got another confession, my friends - you guys probably realised this already but I didn't until last week - you can click on these photos and see the full-sized image.Scared the shit out of me the first time....

Cheers

Pieologist

Coming Up: we have a guest review of the world-famous Upper Crust bakery in Long Reef, Sydney from Crashball (who's seen a few pies in his time, let me tell you); and Curried Camel pie from The Birdsville Bakery courtesy of Mitchy von Mitchelton...a couple of stories that no self-respecting pie connoisseur can afford to miss, I'm sure.

Pie vita est.

More Guest Reviews

Last week, we had a guest review from the Dodgy Kiwi. This week, we have two more guest reviews that I have been meaning to publish for a while (sorry guys) from two equally dodgy Australians: Young Pete, and Wayne Bennett. First up, Young Pete. Take it away, son.

Thought I’d review the Sunnybank Private Hospital – Garden Kiosk ‘Beef Pie’ for you.

For an early morning snack to fill the hole of missing breakfast, I wasn’t expecting much from the garden kiosk. The choice between a pie, 2 day old sandwiches in the display cabinet or a bag of CC’s, the pie had the upper hand. At $3.40 it was a budget option but nicely rounded off with the $3.60 coffee to bring the transaction to $7. Until of course, I asked for sauce which was 20c extra.. 

The pie looked like the typical pie straight from a pie warmer, with slightly soggy sides and a bit of a cracked edge.. mmm dry beef to look forward to inside. I added the tomato sauce to mask the undesirable flavour I knew would be apparent from the first bite. 

No pastry crunch, but come on.. pie warmer at the hospital kiosk (need I say more).. but some beefy taste smothered in tomato sauce. The after taste was slightly peppery which was surprising as there was no mention of pepper in my selection. The filling was slightly jelly-like but held together well for a singled handed meal, the pasty reminding me of my earlier school days at the canteen. 

Overall it was a terrible but expected result leaving me with no desire to return for more.

Score 3/10

So there you have it, folks, stay away from the pies at the Sunnybank Hospital. Personally, I don't go that far on my holidays, so if you're sick down that way don't hold your breath waiting for a visit from The Pieologist. What I DO know however, is that I have found my first 10 out of 10 pie a mere 10km north of the Sunnybank hospital....if only I'd posted the review for it earlier, Young Pete could have detoured and the whole expedition would have been a joyous affair...rather than unfulfilling and flatulence-inducing. It's almost enough to make me feel guilty. OK, it's nowhere near the highest point from which you could stand on your tippy-toes with a pair of binoculars and see the neighbourhood where I might actually feel guilty - but there you go. Stay tuned for that one, southsiders - it's coming up next week. 

Next time Pete, suggest to your sick friends that they might be better off in the Greenslopes Hospital, and you won't be stuck for lunch. It's all about experience. Speaking of which, the following was written by a man with more experience than most...due to the fact that he's an OC. 

Now I previously promised that I would publish guest reviews as you send them in to me; and I stand by that sentiment regardless of how offensive, short-sighted, or insensitive your opinions may be to others. After all, you've got just as much right to be heard by the millions reading this blog as anyone else does. Having said that, if you support the ALP in any way, you may want to tune out now. I'm not 100% sure, but I've got a feeling that Wayne isn't a party contributor....

Wayne’s Capital Experience

Being a relative layman when compared to our illustrious connoisseur of pies, The Pieologist, however I promised I would seek out any worthy examples on my pilgrimage south to the motorcycle Mecca of Phillip Island to attend the World Superbikes. After 2 days of enduring many kilometres of rough country roads and subjected to the fiercest wet weather, I stopped in our political Capital (Canberra) for some well deserved sustenance. I also needed to build up some reserves for the next leg through the high country and possible sleet, snow and blizzards that lay ahead. 

I found myself in a suburb called Dickson, an inner North suburb, and I was hoping to run into Julia Gillard and give her my 2 cents worth regarding the shambles of all these illegal immigrants (boat people by the thousands) being let in the place and the Carbon bloody tax for Christ sakes - just don’t get me started - but alas she was nowhere to be seen. [She probably heard you were coming and fled for her life, Wayne - P]  I found a nice looking café that seemed inviting called Hudson’s. I was about to order a hamburger with the lot but then spied the board with gourmet pies, so why not, I chose the chicken and vegetable as a fairly safe bet.

I was a bit disappointed when the lady put it in the microwave to heat it up as this usually destroys the casing and ends in eating disaster and a burnt pair of testicles. However it must have been one of those convection type microwave ones that have the heating element inside. It arrived at my table (carried by a cute waitress) and looked quite good from the colour and pastry texture and sat quite well and when I picked it up it was quite heavy and kept its shape; and although I had taken precautions re the possibility of contents tumbling into my lap (and heaven forbid damaged testicles), there was no need to worry. 

The temperature was quite good, hot enough but not burn your mouth out hot and with the first few aggressive bites to satiate my hunger I was not disappointed. It was actually filled with good sized chunky pieces of breast chicken and actual vegies, and not the soupie mornay type crap you normally find inside. So I continued working away biting, chewing, washing down with swigs of coffee, but the pie seemed to be dwindling very slowly. How could this be: my hunger getting beaten by just one pie, but then I thought of the prophetic words from the master pieologist to take a cup of cement and harden up. With an inner strength I attacked again and with a flourish and I finished the last chunky chicken piece but I was done, and no way could I face a second pie. Just how does the master do it (two pies in one sitting)? 

Overall I would rate an 8.5 out of 10 for appearance, again an 8.5 for texture, a 9 for content and an 8.5 for holding its shape while being consumed. Probably another 8.5 for the waitress being cute as it all makes for the ambience and memory of the experience, now if she had gone the extra mile for a happy ending then I would have to award a 10. [ladies, I believe Wayne may currently be single if you're interested - P]

Overall, a wonderful experience and just when you least expect it a little gem. I left the café with a little paunch in the stomach region and thought that I had enough on board to keep me alive for several days should I become stranded in the alpine regions on the trip south to the Island mecca. So my memory of Canberra has been partially restored with a fond memory and I have pushed the thought of big arsed Julia to the back of my mind, but just wait till the next election!!!                   

OK, certainly something to offend nearly everyone there (thank God you didn't mention Islam, Wayne...I don't think Salman Rushdie gets out to the bakery much these days). Thanks again to both of the guys for the guest reviews.

On a personal note, the blog has fallen behind lately due to the fact that a great mate of many of us who read these postings passed away recently after an illness. 'Herbs' as he was affectionately known, was the man responsible for christening me 'The Pieologist', and encouraged me to start this blog after putting up with years of me dragging him to various pie shops in SEQ and northern NSW. As a result, it has been difficult to sit down and write a review without thinking of him. He will be greatly missed; never forgotten. Rest in peace, Herbs.

Until next time, take care.

Pieologist.