Chelsea - Pieminster
A couple of days after Rules Restaurant, I found myself walking down the Kings Road towards Sloane Square, wondering how in the hell I was going to carry Sports' shopping for the next couple of hours - let alone pay for it - when we came upon a food market that had sprung up in Duke of York Square.
I had just given an interview on the street (seriously) and as a result was starting to get some post-interview peckishness that I completely made up as an excuse to eat.
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| Dispensing pearls of wisdom makes a bloke hungry |
There was such a fantastic array of cuisines on offer that all thoughts of continuing on to the Phat Phuc Noodle Bar (no shit, check it out) were immediately banished, and I let myself be drawn in by the wafting of freshly baked sourdough, steaming gyoza, wild-caught Scottish smoked salmon blinis with Veuve, German brats, soft fish tacos, home-made cheeses, and as it turned out, pies.
This time, it was Sports who tugged my shirt sleeve, pointed into the middle distance and said, 'hey there's a sign for Pieminster pies....isn't that one of the ones your cabbie mate recommended?' God bless her for spotting it, and God bless Steve the cabbie, because I shitcanned all that other garbage and made a beeline for the Pieminster stall...which was curiously devoid of queueing punters.
Still, the pies in the warmer looked very appealing, and the menu immediately put me in a quandary. Do I try something I know and have a baseline of for comparison, or do I go out on a limb? Then I saw: wild venison chilli con carne pie. Screw the baseline. You had me at Wild, Pieminster.
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| Beer and deer - a match made in heaven |
The pie was beautifully presented in a little recycled cardboard box, with a napkin (which came in very handy), a fork (straight in the bin), a nice bit of friendly banter, and a menu for future reference.
Put simply, the pie was excellent.
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| Vegetarian Society approved....pfffft. Would you bother? |
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| It's like opening a Christmas present....only better! |
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| Ta - DAAAAA!! |
The temperature was perfect (especially on a cool and breezy London day), and the heat was fairly fiery - contrary to assurances that it had 'a bit of go but not too much, you know? Just nice.' Bullshit...it had heeeeeaps of go.
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| Look how golden flaky that lid is.... |
I love a lot of heat and as such it was perfect for me, but a child - or Roobs - would find this one quite challenging. My lips were tingling for a full 5 minutes after finishing this magnificent creation.
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| Oh yeah, baby - chocka block full of goodies. And beer! |
The shortcrust pastry held together nicely and there were plenty of golden brown flakes on top. It contained a plethora of visible ingredients, had a good consistency to the gravy and was extremely difficult to fault. I gave it another 9/10. The only reason I didn't have another one is that I'd managed to sneak in a couple of the aforementioned gyoza while Sports was in Lululemon....which I regretted immensely.
Seriously, have a go at some of these flavours:
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| Some goose |
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| A cockney ATM...so called because cockneys are the only people who can work them out and win anything. AKA the fruit machine |
Selfridges
The next day, we ended up at Selfridges (department store) - because we needed to do some shopping for a change. Lunchtime rolled around, and I suggested that we mooch on down to the food court, where I came across this pie.
For some reason - whether it was shopping fatigue, hunger, beer-withdrawals - I don't really know - I accepted their offer of mash and gravy. So they spooned a great pile of mash into the bottom of this thing, then ladled an ocean of gravy on top. Viola...
It actually wasn't as bad as it looks. The gravy was really rich, the mash was pretty good, and the pie was a perfect temperature and had plenty of juicy meat in a good gravy that made me regret the additional ladlefuls on top.
Unfortunately, the extra gravy made the pastry soggy and eating it with a plastic fork out of this cup became a diabolical pain in my arse...so I didn't bother finishing it...I just ate the filling which was quite delicious and left most of the rest.
Still, as I keep telling Sports: sometimes you've got to admit when you're wrong (she hasn't taken me up on it yet, but it could be any day now), so I put it down to user error - if I had just ordered the pie by itself and eaten in in my hands I'm confident that it was good enough for a 7.5/10.
The Flight Home
Imagine my delight when, perusing the Cathay Pacific in-flight menu on the way home, I came across a lamb pie. That's right, on Cathay-bloody-Pacific. Bless.
So naturally I ordered it, and this arrived:
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| Good thing I'm not carb-phobic |
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| Good looking top, nice plump peas....looks promising! |
You know me punters - I detest swearing. But in this case I have to make an exception and state for the record that this thing was abso-tootely fucking DISGRACEFUL. It was dry, it was flavourless, it was dry, and as the Honey Badger would say, as tough as woodpecker lips. Did I mention it was dry? Bereft of flavour? Shame, Cathay, shame. I even put sauce on top to try and make it edible - without success. I'm giving them 1/10 for the peas only. Zero points for the pie.
