The Banana Cabana - Chillingham NSW

Your resident Pieologist has travelled to the far-flung reaches of this great brown land to you bring you the best - and worst - that Australia's bakeries have to offer. This week, it's northern NSW, but first, a very important community service announcement regarding Safer Communities Together:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7UX8KASASU

Tremendous stuff - thanks Mike.

This place was recommended by Macca, a Kiwi….as the best pie ever. Between you and me, I think he’s as bent as a 9-bob note, but I had had some good pies from Georgie Pie in Auckland (more on that another time), so gave him the benefit of the doubt and a bunch of us headed down to Chillingham on the bikes through the picturesque Numinbah Valley; aka Smugglers Way.

Perhaps Macca knew the route because he'd smuggled drugs over the border in the past – I don’t know….but mid-pie, a black Ferrari drove past, closely followed by a Lamborghini Gallardo (also in stealth black). Both were driven by early 30-somethings, who no doubt had regular jobs as bank johnnies or plumbers. Coincidence? I think not.

First impressions of the shop. Well, see for yourself…the thing is a tin shed beside the road, fer Chrissakes, so first impressions were not good. Secondly, it’s called ‘The Banana Cabana’; not the most confidence-inspiring title for a good pie shop. More like something you’d find in the laneways of Fortitude Valley, where a gentleman might go to relax with other gentlemen after a hard day at the office. Hmmmm, this is the sort of place a kiwi would lead you to, I thought to myself. Then while you’re trying to enjoy your pie, he’d go on to tell you how Richie McCaw is the best player to ever live, and how his Mum bumped into Dan Carter’s Mum in the Qantas Club one day, and they had a great chat, she was such a lovely person, just like Dan….you can see where he gets it from, etc. etc. Do me a favour.

So I made my way past the cartons of green mangoes and organic finger limes and found a very friendly and welcoming chap who asked how he could help. I secured a curry beef, a curry chicken, and a can of Coke (diet, natch) for the very reasonable sum of $10 even.

The pastry looked a little underdone in the baking stakes, as the picture shows, and this was confirmed in the tasting. The top pastry could have been browned some more (see previous Maleny posting), but the bottom pastry was well cooked and held together very nicely without the help of a little foil nest. It would definitely pass the driving test.

Curry Beef Pie

Temperature was absolutely perfect: hot enough to satisfy without scalding. This was your Type 1 curry pie (Keens curry powder), and it had a very good mixture of beef mince and beef chunks (often it’s only one or the other), while the amount of curry in the mix was finely judged: enough to let you know about it, without worrying about the 2 hour drive home. There was also a reasonable amount of filling, and a perfect level of viscosity. This pie would never dribble out into your lap leaving you with an embarrassing explanation when you collect ‘the package’ from Bruno the Bandido outside town.

Score is an 8.5/10 (with half a point deducted for the top)

Curry Beef Innards

Surprisingly, the chicken curry pie wasn’t as well balanced, was runnier, and had corn in it (which probably accounted for the extra liquid). Now, chicken and corn go together very well in many dishes: soup, quesadillas, and the like – but there’s no place for corn in a pie. Unless it’s a pot pie, which isn’t a ‘real’ pie anyway – it’s an American casserole. If you have to add any veges other than onion, I can live with potato, sweet potato, and peas but spare me the corn. I didn't bother taking a photo.

Score: 5/10

Ned Kelly Pie

Just as an aside, Pedro the barrister-at-large ordered this Ned Kelly pie (the barrister naturally choosing a pie named after a criminal), and raved about it. For those unfamiliar with the Ned Kelly, they are usually mince, topped with an egg, then bacon, then cheese - sans lid.

Pedro didn’t share, so it was obviously good, but he agreed to stop demolishing it long enough for me to take this photo. Yes friends, that is a large chunk of corned beef / brisket that’s about to drop into his well-manicured palm and tumble onto the sleeve of his Hugo Boss lumberjack shirt; and the top was all melty cheese, bacon and egg. Now that’s a gourmet pie!

So whilst I don’t have it in me to take back all the nasty things I said about Macca the Kiwi, I will say that if you ever find yourself heading over the border with a paper bag full of unmarked bills, do yourself a favour and make a quick stop at the Chillingham Banana Cabana – tell ‘em The Pieologist sent you.

And that's it for 2011, folks - but don't worry; I'll be doing plenty of research over the Christmas break on your behalf. If anyone would like to volunteer to accompany me on a road trip to Yatala over the holidays to satisfy the thousands of demands for a review, please let me know. Just a reminder, if you do have a pie you like, take a photo and email it to me. I've had several solid leads so far from readers, but a picture is worth 1000 words, as they say.

So merry Christmas to you and your families, and stay safe. Feliz navidad....or as Flair would say,
'release my fat duck....
release my fat duck....
I wanna wish you a Maori Christmas
I wanna wish you a Maori Christmas
I wanna wish you a Maori Christmas, from the bottom of my heaaaaaaart!'

If you need help with the tune:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMtuVP8Mj4o

Maleny Hot Bread Bakery

Thanks to all who voted a fortnight ago. The results were emphatic, with nearly 80% of you declaring that it IS un-Australian to eat a pie with cutlery. Stay tuned, next week we will have another readers poll for you, but for now it's another review.

Recently, Mulloes and I visited the Maleny Hot Bread Bakery, in Maple St Maleny – one of 3 bakeries in the main strip, although one is called Swiss Crust Wood Oven Bakery, which (strangely) has a sign advertising woodfired pizzas on the front of the shop. Pizza isn’t exactly the first thing that springs to mind when I thought of Switzerland, but I guess the Italians are right next door to the Swiss, so I can cut them some slack.

Speaking of pizza, I was asked recently about the Americans calling their pizzas ‘pizza pie’, and I have to admit that it was something that really irked me, too. I mean, ‘pizza’ is a great name all on its own - whaddya, tryin’ to cutesy it up or somthin’ by adding ‘pie’ on the end? Fuhgeddaboudit!

Turns out that the ancient Greeks first put olive oil and herbs and stuff on their bread, baked it, and called it πίτα  (pita), meaning pie. One things leads to another, bada-bing, bada-bang, and a coupla thousand years later you got yourself a pizza-pie, capisce? And you thought this blog wasn’t gonna teach you nuthin’ about history and stuff, right? Wrong. Stick with the Pieologist, and you’ll be able to dazzle your friends with this and many other useful facts, my friends.

Anyway, Mulloes and I randomly chose the Maleny Hot Bread Bakery one Sunday morning after a spirited blast over Mt Mee. He chose a Steak and Bacon and a Chunky Steak; while I had the standard Curry Beef and a Beef Stroganoff (because I felt like living on the edge). Sharing wasn’t discussed.

Mulloes declared his chunky steak to be full of chunky steak (but perhaps a bit too much onion for his liking), and I bore witness to the amount of bacon in his second pie – it looked packed with bacony goodness...mmmm. I like it when you can actually see the ingredients in your pie; if the menu states beef and bacon, don’t use bacon flavouring – chop some up and get it in there son! I didn’t ask Mulloes to give me a score on his pies, but he ate them both like a combine harvester, so they couldn’t have been too bad.

 

Beef Stroganoff Pie

Curry Beef Pie

Before I go any further I should explain that generally speaking there are two types of curry pie out there: ones that are made with curry powder (Keens or the like) that often gives the meat a slightly jaundiced tinge; and actual curry pies, such as Thai Green Chicken, Lamb Rogan Josh, Beef Madras, etc. With the Keens type, the only real difference between fillings from different shops is down to the amount of powder they tip into the mix. Personally I like a heap, and I have a couple of good examples to share with you in the coming weeks.

For the record I like both types of curry pie, although the traditional Australian curry beef pie was the Keens type, cooked by a sweaty Aussie baker whose idea of an overseas holiday was taking the kids over to Moreton at Easter. Happily we’re now seeing more diversity and a maturing Australian palate.

My Maleny curry beef pie was of the ‘Type 1’ Keens variety; but with a nice little twist. Rather than just loading it up with curry powder, the baker had added a few sultanas, which gave the pie a real sweetness – like someone had added sweet chutney. It didn’t dominate, but just gave a background depth of flavour that so many overlook. The curry powder was of a good strength and the pastry – as you can see - was excellent. All pies should look like this. Temperature was perfect, and the structure held together nicely out of its foil nest.

This is a pie you could easily eat whilst driving, as long as you didn’t mind looking like you’d driven through a pastry blizzard, as you would wear a lot of that flaky top if you didn’t eat it in the classic pie-pose as I did: leaning forward in your seat in case of spillage, pie tilted on its edge, feet shoulder width apart, knees spread.

Score was a very solid 8/10.

There’s an old saying in the baking game, and that’s: ‘you’re only as good as your last pie’. Unfortunately, the Beef Stroganoff pie was below par despite looking the goods (the photo makes it look overcooked – it wasn’t). The filling was a wishy-washy, pastel peach coloured cream-fest, and it was chock-a-block full of onions. I know, I know, Beef Strog is supposed to have onions, but I felt it was a bit of overkill and the mix lacked tomato paste, mushrooms, and paprika (i.e. flavour). It wasn’t horrible, but was a letdown after the surprise of the curry beef. Pastry, structure and temperature were all good, hence – 5/10.

Next week: Chillingham NSW

The World's Most Expensive Pie

This just in: The world's most expensive pie.

 

This is a Christmas / mince  pie and therefore not a 'real' pie, however 'The Pieologist' is on top of all things pie related, and I felt obliged to bring it to your attention in case you were stuck for Christmas gifts.

 

It does include one of my favourite pie ingredients - sugar derived from sperm whale secretions....which begs the question: how the f*ck do they harvest that? It must be a great conversation starter at parties: 'Me? I'm a sperm whale sample collector. Yes, really. The garbage bin? Oh, it's just a tool of the trade.'

 

The pie also includes holy water froum Lourdes (I'm assuming that this hasn't been harvested from Madonna's daughter). Presumably sick people haven't been bathing in it before being used in the pie, either....eeeeeww - that even grossed ME out. Sorry.

 

 

 

 

http://www.news.com.au/world/dont-mince-words-thats-one-expensive-pie-4700-christmas-pie-goes-on-display/story-e6frfkyi-1226203475694

A couple of responses from the punters

It's been an overwhelming response to my first posting, with letters, faxes, and emails flooding in from all over the globe. I wasn't aware that the law of unintended consequenses could actually work in a positive way: last weekend my old mate Crispy called in with a lamb and coconut curry pie from Yatala for me to review (thanks bro). If I'd known the blog would result in free stuff, I would have started one on beer, pies, cocaine and hookers years ago!

Thanks to all who responded for vindicating my opinion that the worldwide interweb was crying out for a pie blog that isn't afraid to tackle the big issues. And boy, have we got a couple for you this week!

I thought that I would share a couple of interesting responses with you that were sent to me by email during the week. The first is from Trigger, who is currently doing a tour of duty in old blighty...teaching the Poms and Safas how they should play rugby, er, cricket, er....anyway, Trigger is drinking a lot and has recently discovered a love of league that he never knew he had.

He alerted me to the Melton Mowbray pork pie. I've eaten the odd pork pie when I was 'in counrty', but was completely unaware that not only do they come from a particular region, but they have their own association: http://www.mmppa.co.uk/  Here's his email:

'I have one to add for you, its the Melton Mowbray pork pie, home of the pork pie and any other is just a plain old pork pie. Watched a program on the BBC about the making of the pork pie, this pie takes 4 days to make, all produce locally sourced in this little town in Lincolnshire, you have to google this one. Not your traditional pie as the centre pork is solid but a worthy pie contender. Anything that takes 4 days to make must be good. The only problem is its a £50 return trip from London to buy the pies (in bulk of course), actually £100 return because you have to take the misses as well, from the Ye Olde Pork Pie Shoppe in Melton Mowbray. I can taste it now!!!'

4 days to make: either they're doing something very right, or very wrong. Fascinating stuff - thanks Trigger.

Next was a perplexing email from Roobs (not his real name), who was responding to my earlier comments about removing the pie lid to facilitate rapid cooling:

...'if you actually eat the pie with a tea spoon after you have taken the top off, does it really matter that you have compromised the structural integrity of the pie by removing it’s lid in the first place?? Means I can get more tomato sauce in there as well. I also appreciate that I am probably a heathen and pie architecture luddite to you and should not refer to me and pies in the same sentence anymore...'

Ummm, Roobs - I'm really not sure where to start with this one mate. I just keep picturing you with a cloth napkin tucked into your shirt front with a tiny teaspoon poised over a defiled pie on a china plate...frankly, it's disturbing. You've managed to raise 3 very ugly and divisive points in one paragraph: (1) removing the lid; (2) using cutlery to eat a pie; and (3) tomato sauce. Now I understand why you're still waiting to hear from Ban Ki-Moon about your job application. Henry Kissinger, you ain't.

I hear that your lovely wife has now moved into the spare room as a result of you floating these radical ideas, and even the dog is no longer speaking to you. To be fair I think the issues need to be addressed individually, and put to the masses for a vote.

So today, I'd like to address the biggest one: Is it un-Australian to eat a pie with cutlery? Please cast your vote below.

Thanks again for all your suggestions, people - I'm compiling a hit list and will get to them all if it kills me (which it probably will).

Pie Heaven

OK, we'll start with a goodie: Piefection in Mt Gravatt. Piefection describes itself as 'gourmet', which in pie terms is usually an adjective to describe tiny, overpriced pies with dry and/or tasteless filling that leaves you wondering why the hell you bothered.

I once had a 'gourmet' pie (a duck and pea pie, no less) in Aria Sydney on a rare day that Matt Moran wasn't filming something for TV, and it was exactly that: dry, and 'orrible. My wife was too embarrassed to let me order some gravy to moisten the crumbly, overcooked pastry case and loosen the congealed mess within, so I ordered another bottle of red instead. A man's not a camel, after all. But I digress. Piefection is the other kind of gourmet pie - one where the ingredients are lovingly prepared and skillfully assembled by a master craftsman who isn't working on his 'Blue Steel' face for Masterchef.

Whilst the size and price of Piefection's pies could be the topic of hot debate, if this place doesn't sell the hands-down best pie in Brisbane, I'm not here. I ventured down there one lunchtime with a like-minded friend, and we ordered 4 pies and a wagyu sausage roll between us (the pies really aren't that big - honest). We were served by the owner - and chef - Matt Roman. Nice bloke. Very welcoming. Knows pies. Over his shoulder were huge pots of bubbling filling, reducing in their own juices for the next batch of pie-genius.

We had the Butter Chicken, Lamb Shank & Rosemary, Guinness Beef & Mushroom, and the holy grail of pies - the JD BBQ Pork Rib. The pastry was light, flaky and full of golden buttery goodness; glowing orange like Posh Beckham after a fresh coat of spray tan. The chicken, lamb, and beef pies were all good, but the star of the show was the pork. After the first bite, I knew I was in love...that this store would call me back with its sweet porky siren song for years to come.

The inside of this pie had tender deboned pork baby back ribs like you find in the States, but the piece de resistance was the dollop of Jack Daniels smokey BBQ sauce sitting right there on top of the meat underneath the lid. In the words of Will Ferrell in Old School: 'It tastes so good once it hits your lips! FILL IT UP AGAIN, I'LL DO ONE MORE!'

So Piefection isn't the cheapest thing getting around. You could always add the mushy peas / mash / chips / drink and make a combo if you have to. Or you could give your heart a rub, dig deep for a good cause, and buy a couple of 'em. Go on - you know you want to.